Dear Ms. Garofalo:
My human tells me that it is common for women to be compared to the female of my species. This is often done by using the "B" word when describing their attitude. The last few days I've heard several people refer to you as this very thing. I didn't understand why, until Candi explained that it was describing your very unhappy attitude and your vulgar language. So I'm telling you now...SHUT UP; SHAVE YOUR PITS AND LEGS; WASH YOUR NASTY GREASY HAIR; PUT YOUR BRA BACK ON; AND COVER UP ALL THOSE EXTREMELY UGLY TATTOOS! You're insane accusations and uninformed viewpoints are giving my species a bad name and I don't appreciate it!
This is your one and only warning. After this, if you continue your idiotic rants I will be forced to come drop a huge Obama in every pair of shoes you own!