Old Math, New Math, Dog Math

Everyday when my human leaves the house, she leaves the TV on for me.  She does this so I won't get lonely.  What it actually does its educate me on current events.  Although I do not have thumbs, I have mastered the remote control.  I get the news from various sources and I get to listen to every press conference coming out of D.C.  Yesterday I listened to Obama's press conference and I heard him say, "It's not class warfare, it's math."  I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it.  Then I decided I would try to do the figures myself.

First I tried the "old math" that Candi was taught as a child in school.  Obama's numbers didn't add up.  I thought, at first, that maybe it was just because I don't have fingers and toes so....I went to get the calculator.  How hard can a calculator be to use if I've mastered the remote?  Obviously it was a lot harder to use than the remote, because I still couldn't get the numbers to add up.

Then I tried the "new math" that kids are being taught today.  Obama's numbers still didn't add up.  Again, I thought it was just me.  So I went online and tried to figure out what I was doing wrong.  Maybe I just had the wrong beginning.  Nope, it wasn't the numbers I was given to start with.  Hmmmm....why wouldn't the numbers come out right?

Aha...I'll try "dog math", I thought.  So I started all over again.  Nope...the numbers still don't add up.  I used all my doggie toes on my paws, I tried the calculator, I tried an abacus....no matter what I did, nothing worked.  So....how did Obama get his numbers to add up?  I decided to ask Candi when she got home.

Patiently I waited and then finally I heard her car pull up.  I rushed to the door with my tail wagging because I knew that together we could figure it out.  As the door opened, I pounced.  "Candi," I said, "I need your help.  I've been trying all day to get Obama's numbers in his "jobs plan" to come out right and I just can't get it."

"Did you try "old math", she asked.  I nodded.  "Did you try "new math," she asked.  Again, I nodded.  "Did you try your "dog math", she asked.  Again, I nodded in the affirmative.  She sat down, got a pencil and paper out and said, "Ok Shasta, I'm going to teach you how to do "martian math".

So that's it!  The President's math is an alien math that only people from another planet can understand.  This is how his "Buffet rule" and "jobs plan" numbers come out right!  Duh!