How To Be A Happy Liberal Woman

I think I have finally figured out why liberal women are in a constant bad mood.  They’re always claiming to be something they aren’t while demanding equal treatment.  That has to be frustrating beyond belief.

Elizabeth Warren is a prime example of this type of mentality.  For years she claimed to be Native American in an attempt to garner preferential treatment while demanding that she be given EQUAL opportunity.  Thanks to the internet and a little thing called YouTube, we now have musical proof of her claims.

So, she claims to be Indian while demanding equality.  How exactly does that work?  I can understand why she always wears a scowl on her face now.  I’d be in a constant state of frustration and panic if I had to fight battles on two fronts, too. 

As many of you know, my human loves classic movies.  This provides us with a lot of entertainment and every once in a while, inspires us with pro-American thoughts and attitudes.  Now I would like to share one of those moments with Ms. Warren.  Please, Ms. Warren, take a look at the following video and see if you can figure out the message.

That’s right, we’re inviting you to be true to your Native American heritage and “pass the peace pipe”.  I’m sure that if you learn this song and dance, take the advice, AND pass it on to other liberal women…you’ll all feel a lot better and those perpetual scowls on your faces will disappear.

Oh yes, and don’t forget the next time you are filling out paperwork that you are only a small part Indian.  Like Patton, my adopted younger brother, we are all “mutts” and have various national and ethnic backgrounds in our family histories.

To Be Or Not To Be A Gender/Species

Anyday liberals are going to decide that I can no longer be a dog.  After reading the story about LEGOs creating a “girl friendly” line and a feminist group being upset about it, it’s the only conclusion I can come to.  First they’ll do away with all genders, then they’ll do away with species.  Am I the only one who finds this wrong?

My human and her friend are currently trying to keep their heads from “popping” over the story that feminists are ticked off over a “girl friendly” version of the popular LEGOs toys.  I really can’t blame them.  They are girly girls and a group of women have decided that being feminine or even liking something feminine is wrong.  Who gave those “female dogs” the right to tell my human and her friends that they shouldn’t enjoy being feminine and traditional feminine roles?  Grrrr!

I feel the need to explain something to this group of women who think that celebrating one’s gender is wrong.  There are definite advantages to being a female.  For example, men don’t wear stilettos and therefore are missing out on a most excellent weapon.  My human once used her “sinning shoes” to defend herself against two very large and vicious dogs.  Because she celebrated her femininity and had on her “sinning shoes”, she was able to slip them off and “bop the dogs in the head”.  In doing so, she stunned the dogs who then just sat on their haunches and stared at her.  Are you going to tell me that by refusing her the joy of being a woman you will gladly take away one of her excellent weapons for self preservation?  I won’t.

You women make me want to bite you hard on your “female dog” rear ends.  You want special consideration because you’re a female, but then turn around and demand that no one recognize your gender.  Talk about hypocritical!  Get over yourselves and smell the coffee down in Columbia.  You should be proud of your differences from men and stop demanding what you don’t really want!  

Put Your Clothes Back On!!!!

So my human is reading an article posted on the Human Events website this morning about the "Occupy Wall Street" protest over the weekend.  I couldn't help myself, I had to ask.

"Candi, why is it that liberal women insist on taking their clothes off at demonstrations of this kind?"

"Well Shasta, that's a really good question.  I'm not exactly sure what point those women were trying to make other than, they still aren't wearing bras.  What's worse is that they don't know what point they were trying to make," she said. 

"When you go to rallies and demonstrations, do you take your clothes off?"

"Absolutely NOT!  Under NO circumstances would I bare my breasts in protest of anything.  Women that do are an embarrassment to REAL LADIES everywhere!  I mean, really Shasta...do you think that people want to see 40 + year old women running around with no clothes on?  Do these women not realize that gravity has taken hold of their bodies and that MOST people find the effects of said gravity a little disgusting? Trust me Shasta, if you want people to take notice, you have to have a clear and concise message and be willing to keep your clothes on.  Otherwise, you just look like an idiot!"

"I have a message I want to get out.  However, I only have a few outfits.  Do you think it would be possible for us to go shopping for doggie clothes this weekend? I really don't want to be considered foolish for running around naked while trying to get the word out."

As Candi fell over laughing, I brought her the computer and we started shopping for doggie outfits online.  I sincerely hope that, like me, liberal women will put their clothes back on!